UGA/GT on YouTube

If you ever wondered what beating TECH would sound like with a U2 soundtrack....

Silver Linings for the Silver Britches

I have to admit...as a Dawg fan, it's real hard to find one this morning.

Diamond Dave, Bulldog fan extraordinaire and world-renowned Gator-hater, will probably never recover from this turn of events, at least until this October. He and I had a spirited discussion, bordering on heated argument, as to whether one should pull for Florida or not. His position: Never*. My position: From a strictly selfish standpoint, Georgia needs Florida to do well (and really, if you think about it, win big) if we get our shot in the next couple of years... or we'll get screwed a la Auburn from the lack of respect for the SEC. His rebuttal: Doesn't matter. All that matters is that UF lose now. We can only worry about GA if and when that time comes. And you know what? He's probably right.

* Ever

But I have a confession to make. I enjoyed watching Ohio St. lose. The only difference between this game and the 1992 Alabama national humbling of Miami was that Troy Smith didn't fall on his butt taking a snap like fellow Heisman winner Gino Torretta. Ah, the panicky, pants-soiling coaching decisions made in the first half by Sweater-Vest U...the numbing realization by their fans that good grief! we're getting our butts handed to us by these barefoot jeans short wearing mullet hicks.

Did you know that Ohio State's band played the "Titanic" theme song as part of the halftime show? That is funny ha ha.

Please forgive me for pulling for Florida just a wee little bit. I suck.

The argument put forth every December that one must pull for SEC teams in bowl games always creates a major conflict for the Georgia Bulldog part of me. Admit it, you got the warm fuzzies seeing Penn St. whip Tennessee. Same for LSU exposing what everyone who is not a Notre Dame fan already knew. Notre Dame's presence in the BCS shows the system has as much credibility as the voting for the MLB All-Star Game. You probably didn't care that Arkansas didn't show up. You probably weren't even out of bed yet when Auburn kicked off in the Cotton Bowl around sunrise on New Year's Day. Kentucky will hang a banner in their overgrown high school stadium for winning 8 games (but seeing Clemson lose always produces a smile), while Steve Spurrier will continue to tee it up at Augusta National for raising the bar at Carolina with 8 whole victories. Bama....yow, without the strong finish, that could've been us getting weedeated at the buzzer.

(Side note: I vowed a long time ago that I would never pull for TECH again. I did one time, in 1990, for their 1/2 championship, when I was young and stupider than I am now. I swore I would never make that mistake again. I did personally pull for Taylor Bennett in the Gator Bowl...200 yards and 3 TD's in the first half must've twisted the knife a little bit deeper, hee hee!)

This is my personal matrix for whether I pull for other SEC teams or not: (Note, I reserve the right to change my mind depending on how it affects my beloved Dawgs.)

Alabama: My feelings for Bama are well known. I pull for them exclusively except when we play them. They now have a coach. Which is Tubby Tooberville's worst nightmare. That sound you hear is the War Eagle Cessna firing up when Bobby Lowder flies to Atlanta to give Petrino another shot in two years when the Coach Killer Ron Mexico (aka Mike Vick) ends the Louiville Experiment at Suwannee.

Arkansas, South Carolina, Ole Miss, Miss St, Kentucky: To borrow from Grizzard, most games they play are like two mules fighting over a turnip. I mean, who cares?

Auburn: Tubby is a hard man to root for. But not quite as hard as Phat Phil and Turban Meyer.
Until he opens his mouth, that is.

Tennessee: Uh, no. I did pull for them against Notre Dame. Besides, Krispy Kreme stock goes up for some weird reason when they aren't playing well.

Florida: Outside of last night, which was not really pulling hard for them, I pull for them only against Tennessee. And probably Miami.

LSU: Those people can cook. There is a reason this blog is called Heavy Lunch.

Vandy: Every 10-12 years, we are reminded that they do play football as a varsity sport.



Silver linings for a Gator Chompionship? (Note to CNNSI and ESPN.com: That headline is just gator as hell).

1) The Yankee/Midwest Anti-Southern bias depantsed Once Again. The national pundits, especially ESPN** got it handed to them last night. I got sick of hearing the excuses made for Michigan's sorry Rose Bowl performance (i.e., the bowl loss didn't matter; they should have had a rematch). That "losing by 3-points heroic effort" the Maize and Blue gave against the Buckeyes vaporized in Glendale in front of the whole nation. Any attempt to peg Ohio State's cataclysmic collapse on the 50-day layoff just sounded hollow. Even Big 10/OSU apologist Kirk Herbstreit, no SEC fan, admitted he was wrong about speed. Again. And he had an upfront and personal look at it against GA in the Citrus Bowl in '92. It's not just the skill positions. Ted Ginn, Jr. is quite the track star, holding or no holding. It's in the trenches AND playing against that speed week in and week out.

More often than not, annually the best college football top-to bottom is played way south of the Mason-Dixon line, and those condescending b*&^&*ds only understand it when something like last night happens. Kinda like the Taliban only understanding our reasoning when we drop a 5000-lb Daisy Cutter down their rabbit hole. Ohio State got blown out of the stadium by a (having...trouble...speaking) better, (throat tightening) faster, (wheeez)more proven team (....now I'm choking back the bile...excuse me, blleccchh). Ahem... too bad it was Florida that got to prove it. On the bright side, we probably won't have to see a countdown timer starting in September this fall for Ohio State/Michigan. We will see one starting today for Notre Dame/USC, dammit.

**aka the Eternal Self-Pimping Network.

2) That's it. Outside of the North vs. South thing, there is nothing else even remotely good about Florida winning this game, unless you count the satisfaction we're gonna get when we beat the defending national champions.

3) Oh, wait...Playoffs? I could care less about a playoff right now...because pretenders like Boy-see State*** can make all this noise about wanting and deserving a shot. Any team whose big game each year is against the Oregon St. Beavers (snicker snicker) or the Hawaii Warriors**** and generally only wins that game at home...while getting absolutely destroyed in the one big-time game they've outside the big blue potato patch in the past three years (48-13 Dawgs thank you very much!) needs to work on that out-of-conference schedule a bit.

***Thanks to Oklahoma for getting the Dawgs off the hook for giving an illegitimate conference a head of steam from a BCS bowl game. I think it is safe to say the WAC ain't the Big East.

**** Formerly the Rainbow Warriors. Also considered: the Hawaii Jeff Gordons.


In closing (finally! had a lot to get off my chest)

You wanna know the real reason the bowls got screwed up and begat the BCS? The Rose Bowl Committee. When they put their heads together 50 years ago and locked in the Big 10 and Pac 10 each year, they directly caused the problem we have today. And they still cause it, because if they don't get their way and have their precious Cornfed vs. Pretty Boy matchup, they take their ball and go home.

And that is why we probably won't see a playoff anytime soon. Besides, the debate is pretty fun.

Chik-Fil-A Bowl note:

I received a plea for help during halftime of the UGA/Va. Geek Squad game...good friend keepitcreel.com called me from the GA Dome and said he needed a pep talk. Things were not going well, to say the least, and he was contemplating getting on MARTA and heading home...so I did what any good friend and Dawg fan does:

I lied. (well, I thought I was lying at the time).

"Keepitcreel.com," I said, "we're a second half team. All we need is a defensive TD and we'll be right back in this thing. You hang in there, we're not out of it." I even thought about putting on my lucky Hawaiian flowerdy shirt that I sewed a "G" patch on for comebacks. Having had the Heavylunch cocktail of choice, the V&T with a Chianti chaser, I promptly forgot. Turns out I didn't need it.

Moral of the story: If GA gets behind early, call my cell and I'll lie to you, too.

Whatever works, babe.

Countdown to signing day is coming!

Woof.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The folks at HeavyLunch wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

MUNSON: The legend continues...

I hope everyone got to hear Munson's call from the Tech game...this year's was an instant classic. The man sounded 20 years younger and in rare form. If you want to hear the final 26 minutes of the game, you absolutely must click here. If you were wondering whether Loran or Larry would expire first, Munson gives you the play-by-play.

Six in a Row: Fear the Big Toe!

Six in a row...that's one hand and Tony Taylor's size 13 instep planted ankle-deep into Tech's Season of Dreams. That was one awesome clean-and-jerk he performed on that fumble recovery.

What a game, what a game! The TECH fans at church (the ones who showed up) were mighty quiet and reflective this morning.

Munson sounded 20 years younger and was in classic form, especially at the end.

CMR promoted Bobo to handle offensive play-calling. I guess CMR does go blogging every now and then....(yeah, right. I'm sure he's taking my advice now). Just in case you are checking the blog today: C0ach, please limit runs from the shotgun to trash time at G-Day.

Finally, Reggie Ball was named Georgia's Offensive Player of the Game. Thanks for all the great memories these past four years! We'll miss you! Chan Gailey for Coach of the Year!

I quote from Ben D's pre-Tech email:

...But in this season of uncertainty in Athens, one thing will always remain. We will still beat the Bumblebees.

As long as Reggie Ball is healthy, we will beat Tech. As long as Reggie Ball stays healthy, Calvin Johnson will be a non-factor in his last regular season collegiate game of his career. As long as Reggie Ball is healthy, Chan Gailey will be on a hot seat. And as long as Reggie Ball is healthy- Tech is destined to lose.

My friends, that was a stone cold lead pipe lock. Nice call, Ben!

Quote of the Week: (from Cory McCartney's CNNSI column this AM):


"He was kicking and shoving people. He's 0-4 against Georgia, so you can't really blame him. I might be kicking and shoving guys too if that was my record against them."

--Georgia defensive tackle Ray Gant on Georgia Tech quarterback Reggie Ball, who was picked off with a minute remaining to endure his fourth loss to the in-state rival, 15-12.

WILL IT HAPPEN? CAN IT HAPPEN 2 WEEKS IN A ROW?

Lies, Damned Lies, and Recrootin'

Tech Motivational Poster

We need this one bad.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Who knew Lee Harvey Oswald liked the War Kitties?

I feel like Brad...don't know whether to be happy or angry that the Dawgs finally put a complete game together. Personally, I am going to choose to be.....HAPPY. It's not every day we beat a top five team on their turf. If we lose to TECH, 7-0 over UNC---that Tech, then I will choose to be angry.

But, in keeping with my mantra to bring a suggested solution to potential problems, here's what the Dawgies need to do when the Bees come callin':

1) Bring the pressure against Reggie Ball. If you think Patrick Cox looked shaky under pressure, expect at least six picks if we can get our paws on Ball early and often. Give him time, a la our performance against UT's Ainge, and we'll have another Heisman candidate on our hands. Make Ball beat us. In other words, make Ball work for us.

2) Really, that's it. Use the same tub of Stickum our WRs used against Auburn, GATA, and keep these two stats in mind:

Kregg Lumpkin 21 carries, 105 yards, 5.0 avg

Danny Ware 8 carries, 20 yards, 2.5 avg.

As one H. Walker once said, "The ball ain't heavy."

While I thought during the game that we finally were going to predominately use "Krigg" at tailback because of his better production vs. Ware over the past few games, I later found out that Ware was injured, thus eliminating our fetish ability to platoon. I hate it when guys get hurt, but Ware probably would've had more carries if he were healthy. Anyway, I hope he heals quickly.

Southerland is the Man.

I am licking my chops because I've got two whole weeks to Hate Tech Now.

Buzzzzzzzzzz buzzz buzz.

RETIREMENT HOME ABUSE IN OPELIKA,AL

This is a true story, related to me by my Uncle Kermit in B'ham:

Back at the beginning of the season, I mentioned an emerging story of retirement home abuse in Opelika, right up I-85 from Auburn. It was reported to this blog that the elderly mother of a Bulldog alum recently sold her home in southwest Georgia and moved to a nice facility to be closer to her family over in Birmingham.

All seemed to be well for the first few weeks, then the son got a disturbing phone call from his mom: "Son, we have got to beat those bastards this year!"

Now Worried Son: "What do you mean, Mom? Are they treating you well? Tell me what's going on!"

Mom: "It's all these Auburn fans that live in this place. They are some of the most obnoxious, worst people I have ever been around! Georgia has GOT to beat Auburn this year!"

Open letter to CMR and the rest of the Bulldog crew headed to the Lovliest Village:

Dear Georgia Football:

Please, for the love of Pete, if for no other reason than to save our season, beat those bastards for all the little old Georgia Bulldog ladies in their golden years stuck watching football with a bunch of obnoxious Auburn invalids.

Love,

The Blog

Rock Bottom?

Not yet...though I can hear the hull scraping pretty loudly. We'll know what rock bottom truly is if things don't go well the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

One interesting note from Saturday's debacle against KY: Many Kentucky fans were arrested on the field after the game for carrying scissors to the end zone. It is believed they were looking for a net to cut down, and in the confusion only had time to tear down one set of goal posts.

It is embarrassing to lose to a basketball school in a high school stadium that half their fans mistake for Rupp Arena on the day most of them cared more about the Breeder's Cup.

Trivia Question: When Kregg averages over 8 yards a carry in the first half, and over six for the game, why in the world does he only get 2 carries in the second half?

Answer: Because we have an offensive coterminator instead of an offensive coordinator. Promote Bobo Now!

Happy Halloween!

This exciting close-up action pic of the Man-O-Lantern shows Phatty Phil in dire need of some Kleenex. Of course, UGA receivers couldn't catch a cold this year.

BTW, the neighborhood kids are gonna love it. How do I know? My daughter came up with the idea. What a perfect way to put salve on another Gator beatdown...find a way to pick at UT.

Question for J-79: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose. But do you want to pick your friend's nose?

THE WORLD'S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY... MIKEY ADAMS EGO MASSAGE Hell, we'll call it what it is...The Fall Spring Break for Adults

If you ever wondered where the "Cocktail Party" nickname came from, this article explains it.

I've been to the game--I think I saw it in one of those books called "100 Things Every Guy Must Do Before He Dies". I rarely think about going again...in '92, after a buddy of mine got stabbed in the abdomen down at the Landing by a tank-topped mullet after trading such vicious,poisoned barbs as "Go Dawgs" and "Go Gators", I might need a club level seat and a helicopter to get me in and out. Except for the potential for getting cut, it really is a hell of a good time. While the UF students lately have gotten the attention for unfortunate incidents while down there (more on that later), for the adults, it really has the feel of 1980's Spring Break in Panama City, with fewer whippets, more V&T. ( Of course, I refer to the PC before MTV showed up and every pasty Yankee from Maine to Minnesota invaded the Redneck Riviera).

Here are some of my favorite memories of the Cocktail Party:

I assume you know the rest of the story...in 1980, I listened to the game on my grandparents' radio. I had no idea how important it was until my best friend and NFL teammate(Neighborhood Football League) Diamond Dave recited the "Run Lindsey" Munson call every time he ran for a long touchdown in backyard games. For the next two years.

In 1992, my one standout memory of the old Gator Bowl was how the fans were seated in the stadium. It was really cool, quartered around with a definite line between Red & Black and Orange & Blue at the 50's and the midpoint of each end zone. Even cooler--you could see fights breaking out all along the skirmish lines towards the top of some sections.

Later, after GA succumbed to the quarterback draw on 4th and long, I learned an important lesson first hand. The Florida Gators have no class. News flash, you say? I grew up hating Auburn and Tech, but Florida was still the team we had steamrolled for oh so many years. This was early in the Spurrier era, and we weren't used to the beatings yet. After their 24-22 win, the UF players came over to the GA student section and danced, shot birds, and taunted the crowd. It's the only time I've ever been in an angry mob. I mean, we were pissed. There was a chain link fence separating the crowd from the players and there were students climbing up to vent their anger. Cups full of bourbon and the occasional liquor bottle were hurtled onto the field. It was a cross between the Blues Brothers playing at the country-western bar and the Alabama student section celebrating a TD. Fortunately, some assistant coaches came over and got their players away before it got really ugly.

Later, after easing the sting of defeat down at the Landing, we watched The Nature Boy (and Chief Cheeseball Gator Fan) Ric Flair scream out, "If you wanna be The Man, you gotta beat The Man...Whoooooooo!" about forty times at Hooters. --Fast forward about five hours. We spent the night somewhere in the greater Jacksonville area in a hotel room that nominally sleeps four. I counted twelve bodies the next morning, all fully clothed and still ineligible to operate a vehicle...they just crashed wherever an open spot was. I knew only one other person in the room. I still have no idea where this hotel was, or how we got there. But it was free to the wallet and free of Florida fans, two very important factors to consider.

In 2001, another loss; but nevertheless a special Cocktail Party seeing as yours truly had proposed to the future Mrs. Lunch (aka Miss Sensible Dinner) the day before on St. Simons. Brad, Paulson and Richie treated us to a bottle of champagne and dinner the night before. I got the feeling that it was the complete opposite of what would've happened had we been Florida alumni (where they would've eaten all the food, drank all the beer, teased each other's mullets, hit on my fiance', etc.) Georgia folks just have so much more class.

Feeling giddy, having engaged in a few cocktails, the newly engaged Heavy Lunch told his intended that he had a heavy bladder. But it was a long, long way to the Porta-Potties...and there was a TV station with nice tall shrubbery right behind our tailgate! I put my political science degree to use: Washington, D.C. has nothing on me when it comes to leaking to the media.

Little did I know that I was being watched...when I looked into the eyes of the local Pee Police. A short, swarthy man who was visibly upset, he took my driver's license, copied something down in a little notebook, and asked me if I wanted to go to jail. "No, sir," I said. I promised not to do that again, and promptly told my fiance' that I almost got arrested for peeing in the bushes. Feigning embarassment, she responded, "It's a good thing you gave me this ring yesterday". This would be a recurring theme the rest of the season; indeed, the rest of the engagement.

I waited a few minutes and began to warn everybody within earshot about the "pervert in the bushes getting his jollies watching people pee". Needless to say, privacy was restored to the privy hedge at WKRP in Jax...I have yet to hear from either the State of Florida or the rental security company about this incident.

One of my favorite Grizzard stories: Lewis Grizzard once wrote about watching the old Gator Bowl security carry out a Georgia fan who was desperately sucking as much liquor as he could from the surgical tubing he had wrapped around his body. He was discovered when the tubing snaked out of the bottom of his britches leg. Little known factoid: This event may have inspired the guy who later invented the CamelBak. Of course, a Ziploc, some duct tape, and a hot date in a sundress is much less risky.

Here's my point: My little stories are pretty benign when it comes to Cocktail Party legend-making. I'm sure most of you know someone who imbibed a little too much and took a holiday from history during GA/FLA week. It's really no different than any other college football rivalry game...just that the nickname is true to what actually goes on.

As we've seen throughout the country recently, effeminate elite liberal types who went to lacrosse schools and think Dodgeball, Musical Chairs or Tag lower the self-esteem of kids at recess have resorted to their catch-all solution: Thought policing. If you can control the words, maybe you can control what happens eventually. In his never-ending quest to turn Georgia into the "UVA of the Deep South" (read: Better school, sucky football atmosphere) Mikey has tried to sanitize the tailgating at home by stomping on longstanding traditions. He and his comrade at UF have now pressured the gutless wonders at ESPN and CBS Sports to totally refrain from the phrase "Cocktail Party" during broadcasts...or even the reporting of the game.

At this rate, North Campus on gameday will resemble Red Square, soul-less and gray. Wait, that's already happened! To paraphrase Sting, I hope the Florida fans love their children, too.

Does anyone think this will change the behavior? Simply not using the nickname? Puh-leeze.

What is the solution? Just don't let Florida fans drink, for the love of Pete. The UF fan lives all year in a state with mandated watered-down beer. His measly half-Yankee, half-trailer-trash body has built up a tolerance for the Natch Light while auditioning for episodes of "Cops" and "Jerry Springer". He hears someone say, "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" at his cousin's UF Alumni party (aka Happy Hour at Tweezer's Bait Shop and Bar) and he shows up at Alltel Stadium with the hard stuff. Next thing you know, UF fans are swinging by their mullets from ceiling fans. Even worse, they're catching their weenies in the zippers of their jean shorts (oddly enough, this happens in Porta-Potties--they call it "indoor plumbing". Generally, the weekend becomes a race to see who can get to That Big Ol' Student Section in the Sky.

Bartender, please cut these people off.

It might not seem like it right now, but I still hate Tech more. Another lesson learned the hard way.

Go Dawgs!

I've Got a Fevuh...

...and the only prescription is more cowbell. Make that a double dose, please.

Click on those two links and tell me Christopher Walken can't light a fire under a team, baby.

Who can fix what's ailin' ya? A date with Mississippi State!

Here's an oldie but goodie that I never get tired of: How many Miss St. grads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. Starkville looks better in the dark.

I just hope Athens looks better on the radio this Saturday. Go Dawgs!

Time Warp

Tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1994. The best thing about our loss to Vandy is I didn't have to pull real hard for Auburn later.

In my mind, the moment in the game where we could've ended it (contrary to some of our players' thinking that the Tony Taylor interception ended things) was our offensive series with six minutes to go after the Vandy punter gifted us with a 6-yard shank.

As longtime Bulldog partisan Diamond Dave has said in these situations: "Our goal in life at that point is to run the football and kill clock." We threw the ball twice, effectively giving Vandy two free timeouts (with the VU facemask penalty and our subsequent drop) when we had effectively run the ball most of the game. Our offensive coordinator's fetish for throwing in clock-killing situations gave Vandy the time they needed to methodically march down the field and break our hearts with two seconds.

Enough of that. I leave the hard analysis to Ben and the others who really know what they're talking about.

Here's my thought on what happened yesterday. You've probably read that coal miners used to warn themselves about deadly gas buildups by taking a canary down into the mines with them. Since canaries are ultra-sensitive to poisonous gases, they were an early-warning indicator of trouble ahead because they would die, leaving time for the miners to get themselves out of peril.

In 1994, the canary died on homecoming day...major changes happened immediately from a coaching standpoint. The canary gagged and wheezed during Jim Donnan's three-year losing streak to Tech (But he had a winning record and we won five straight bowls! Note: You Don't Lose to Tech 3X in a Row. Ever. Ask Johnny Griffith. Thus endeth the lesson) CMR is light-years ahead of Ray Goff, and I believe CMR is the best thing to happen to Georgia Football in a long time. But the Tom Glavine Business School Approach our players seem to take with our opponents (Gee, Vandy's been so close this year against Michigan, etc...Vandy always plays us tight) and acting like this Vandy loss is like losing to legitimate perennial powers like UT, Auburn or Florida....well, I can hear the little yellow bird hacking it up now. Defensive coordinators, beware.

Go Dawgs.

High Times at Vandy

At first, I was looking forward to ribbing Vandy a little bit when I heard the VU president's wife was firing up fatties in their on-campus residence. But after a little research, I learned she does it to alleviate nausea from an inner-ear disorder.

I can't think of anything more miserable than feeling nauseous and not being able to do anything about it. That being said, without getting into the legalities of medicinal marijuana use, I hope she gets well and no longer suffers from that miserable condition.

Speaking of being nauseous, I just thought about the 1994 homecoming game we had with Vandy. I had a date to that game that put on a clinic of How Not To Behave. We sat with her grandparents during the second half, on the 50 about 5 rows behind the Georgia bench. We were losing control of the game (one wild rumor had it that the team was protesting the Homecoming queen selection), and she let the bench (and everyone in our section) know that it was happening against Vanderbilt. ("@#$#%@# VANDERBILT!" she said. "Oh, wow," I thought, "time to go!" I led her up the stairs and I looked to my right.

Now, think of a person from your hometown that you would not want to see while the drunkest, angriest and loudest Georgia co-ed since Grizzard's third ex is hanging on your arm. That's right: I looked into the eyes of my church's senior minister, sitting four rows back, the one who never called me anything but my full name. My "in-trouble" name. And that's all he said to me in my sorry situation. I turned as red as my shirt and introduced my date to his wife, who came bounding down the steps to hug my neck. "Oh, you are a sweetie!" she said to my semi-conscious date, pretending that none of the 89,000 or so in the stadium were one liquor drink away from my date's condition.

Thankfully, the church's motto is: "Forgiveness is our business."

Go Dawgs. Beat Vandy like they owe us money.

UGA-ly

I hope the headline of this post doesn't generate any letters from Governor Perdue. If you really want to see an ugly headline, check out the Mobile Press Register's thoughts on Auburn's performance this past Saturday. (Thanks to Uncle Kermit in B'ham; he sent me the previous link and this War Eagle venting. Things aren't so bad around here, now are they?

I'm surprised that perennial AL gubernatorial candidate Charles Barkley hasn't fired off a letter in protest. Probably has better things to do, like eat.

I have to give J-79 some credit. He predicted a two TD win for his VOLS in a post comment he made here recently. Nice going and congrats.

Folks, I'm no expert football prognosticator, but I play one on this blog. I said all last week* that if our offense could find 20 points (and we found 19), we would win the game because of our defense.

Whoops. Whoda thunk we'd score 33 and get blown out? I guess that bucket of KFC I sacrificed Friday night in the cemetary worked**, because our receivers sure stepped up big. Maybe I should have run for the border and offered up some Taco Bell for our defense.

Up next: Vandy. Check back Friday for an update on their party school reputation.

*But not in writing. Some prognosticator I am, I know.

** I chickened out. We ate KFC for Sunday dinner. And I live less than 150 yards from a cemetary. Instead, I watched "Major League" and asked Jaboo to come, take fear from WR hands.

Tennessee and the Art of Haiku

Check out this site: UT fans love poetry, and really love the haiku (link). Yours truly added one yesterday to their site, but I saved the best (or worst; I'm no poetry critic) for you.

Likkered-up dirtnecks
Passed out in streets of Athens
Orange same shade as puke

Remember, 5 syllables first line, 7 syllables second, then back to 5 syllables in the third.

Feel free to add your own in the comments section. Here are a couple of 7-syllable lines that I didn't have time to complete. Use these if you need to!

• Children of the Corn Liquor
• Won't need no stinkin' kicker

CMR Coaches 'Em Up on the Big Screen

You are probably aware that CMR made his big-screen debut in a cameo in "Facing the Giants", a movie produced by a Baptist church in Allbenny, GA. The full articles can be found here and here.

For those of you who like Trivial Pursuit and like the Entertainment questions:

TRIVIA QUESTION (multiple choice): Which of the following lines most likely resembles the dialogue between CMR and the young coach in the scene shot above?

1. CMR: Coach, if you graduate any receivers that can catch and send them to me, I'll hire you as WR coach!

2. CMR: Well, we've tried this drill where we shoot tennis balls at our receivers at 90 MPH to help them see the ball better. What do you think?
Young Coach: I'd use a football.

3. Young Coach: Coach Richt, it just seems like the team and I are always facing 3rd and long in life. What should we do?
CMR: Run the sprint draw.

4. Young Coach: Coach, the league we play in has this weird rule that "everybody must play". I think it's hurting our team's chances...my RB's and QB's don't seem to get into the flow of the game. What should I do?
CMR: Your league has that rule? Written down? That is very cool. I bet nobody ever thinks of transferring on you!

Escape from Ted's Montana Grill Sanford Stadium

Whew.

About halfway through the second quarter, all my ideas for today's blog went out the window. It no longer made sense to tell the fib that Ted Turner had opened a new Ted's Montana Grill in Athens, seating 92,734. No Filet Ralphieon medium rare to go with the sack of Idaho potatoes coach Dan Hawkins brought from Boise last year to Sanford. No cracks about Colorado finally having a male placekicker and a female mascot, not vice versa. And certainly no mention of how Colorado got beat by a I-AA team that then lost to a Division II team, the equivalent of us losing to Ga Southern and then having GSU lose to Albany State. Totally out-of-line to talk about that after wiggling out of this one.

On top of that, we'll probably never hear Munson's 2006 Colorado call added to the highlights we play during tailgates in the years to come (Prediction: By then, playing of Munson calls will be deemed "inappropriate for the family tailgating experience" by the administration). To make matters worse, when we scored the winning TD, I got in trouble for my behavior. No, this was not a repeat of the 2001 Auburn tantrum*. Nor did I use any four-letter words in front of my three-year-old daughter (aka Lite Afternoon Snack). My offense was worse than the sprint draw on 4th and 3. I yelled so loud that I might have woken LAS up from her nap. Thankfully, she's a sound sleeper. (A quick aside: LAS knows to say the pledge to the American flag and "Goooooo Dawgs, Sic 'em" to the Bulldog flags she sees in the neighbors' yards. So cute.)

It was eerie how most of this game felt like the Sugar Bowl against Greased Lightning West Virginia. It was like going to Outback (hope I'm not foreshadowing anything) Steakhouse, having slow service, cold food, flat beer and waitstaff that keeps dropping the bread on the floor. But then...right when the experience has gone as badly as possible, the manager shows up and comps your meal, even giving you a gift certificate for a Bloomin' Onion next time you come.
You thank the manager for salvaging the dinner and agree with him that you hope the next time will be better. You hope the food comes out well-prepared, hot, and not in need of a good zapping halfway through the meal. If they have to, they'll put some stick-um on the servers' hands so they won't dump the tea in your lap. You smile and let the manager know you're coming back soon, in two weeks to be exact, and you are bringing a big-time business client in for dinner. Your year is dependent on this meeting going well, and you hope everything will be ready to go. Because your client is going to eat a lot...and he is hungry. (click for client's resume')

*Don't ask. I am lucky my wife (aka Sensible Dinner) agreed to continue our engagement.